This week at the Carrot Ranch, Charli Mills challenged writers to In 99 words (no more, no less) write a story that makes a big splash. It can be fluid, or you can play with the idiom (to make a big splash is to do or say something that becomes unforgettable). Go where the prompt leads!
This is where it finally led me. I hope you enjoy it.
News Splash
It was splashed all over the front page. There was no hiding it now. Mum and Dad wouldn’t be pleased. They’d cautioned her to be careful. Time. After. Time. And she was. She thought she could handle it. She didn’t need them watching over her every move. She had to be independent sometime. But this front-page catastrophe would be a setback. How could she minimise the damage?
When they came in, Jess faced them bravely.
They looked from her to the paper and back. Jess’s lip quivered. “Sorry.”
“Those headlines look somewhat juicy,” smirked Dad. “More juice?”
Jess nodded.
Thank you for reading. I appreciate your comments. Please share your thoughts.
I mean, what juice WAS it? 😀
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What juice would you have chosen?
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Orange. 🙂
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Then it’s orange. 🙂
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Well now I’m curious!
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Curiosity is a good thing. 🙂
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I love the twist to the story, Norah!
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Thank you, Jennie. I’m pleased you enjoyed it. 🙂
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You’re welcome, Norah. 🙂
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💖
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Nicely done, Norah. I like how you played with our minds. It drew me in, and then I was relieved to find out that it was some spilt juice.
I’ve gone down a similar line with my upcoming post for this week’s theme.
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I’m pleased you enjoyed the twist in my story, Hugh. I think your twists often go dark. Mine went light. 🙂
I look forward to reading your story. I’ll let you know what I think when I do.
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No need to cry over spilled juice! 😉 I like how dad teases, but in a way that breaks the tension. Nice splash, Norah!
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Thanks, Charli. It’s a lesson many of us need to learn. 🙂
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All in all it’s a good kind of front page catastrophe. I enjoyed the set up then the twist and the word play. It’s a fine 99, Buddy.
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Thank you, D. I appreciate your encouragement. 🙂
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Juicy it is! Now we need to know, lol 🙂
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😂 Thanks, Debby. Actually, Anne Goodwin wrote an improved version which makes it all much clearer. You won’t have to wait. I’ll share it with you here.
Anne’s version
It was splashed all over the front page. No hiding it. Mum and Dad would be furious. They’d cautioned her to be careful. Time. After. Time. And she was. She thought she could handle it. She didn’t need them watching her every move. She liked being independent. But would they trust her after this?
When they came in, Jess faced them bravely.
They looked from her to the paper and back again. Jess’s lip quivered. “Sorry.”
“Those headlines look juicy,” smirked Dad. “Looks like you need a refill.”
He picked up the jug. Jess passed him her empty glass.
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Oh, lovely! But still a cliff-hanger lol 🙂
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Thanks, Debby. It’s good have a little suspense sometimes. 🙂
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Keeps them coming back Norah 🙂 x
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I hope so, Debby. 😉
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Juicy indeed! I enjoyed this! 🙂
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Thank you, Barbara. 🙂
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Sometimes people surprise you. And some parents are just plain wonderful.
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Some parents are! I think I’d do a much better job now that I’m older and wiser. 🙂
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A great take, Norah. Well done.
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Thank you, Robbie. 🙂
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lol very different … definitely needs a follow up 🙂
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Thanks, Kate. I think this writer just needs to make better use of the 99 words. Poor little Jess was devastated when she spilled orange juice all over Daddy’s newspaper.
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lol oh no all that intrigue for such a simple mistake 🙂
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Sorry. I was trying to build it up and then lighten it with a twist. Children can be made to feel very anxious about little mistakes.
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absolutely and that seems so cruel to me, we all make them!
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We do indeed. 🙂
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Tantalising! I hope this is going to be a serial – else I’ll live the rest of my life wondering what Jess has been up to!
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Ha, me too! Next instalment with the next prompt please Norah.
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Oh dear. I’m not so good at squeezing all the story into 99 words. Some people tell so much. I’m the same with time. Others seem to fit in so much more than I do.
As I just explained to Pauline, three-year-old Jess spilled orange juice all over Daddy’s newspaper. Catastrophic only for the child, and the author. 🙂
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Sorry, I didn’t look closely enough. That is a fabulous twist to the story.
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Nah, I think it was me. No one seems to have got it. I’m not sure if I try to tell too much, or am just not effective in telling a little. I’ll work on it.
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But some people got it straight away, so it might be the reader’s deficiency. It’s good to be subtle.
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But not too obscure. Your version is much better. 🙂
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Well, I’m glad you liked it. I had a strong foundation to work with.
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Thanks, Anne. I enjoyed the partnership. 🙂
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Oh dear. I was hoping my second illustration may have added some clarity. I just don’t seem to be able to do it in ninety-nine words. Perhaps I should ask Charli for an extension. 🙂
Jess is a three-year-old and had difficulty pouring the orange juice from the large carton. She spilled it all over the newspaper. Perhaps I should have just said that. 🙂
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That is just not as intriguing and tantalising though – and clearly I didn’t apply enough effort to the second illustration!
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Nah! My bad! I should have been able to tell it all in the words.
Actually, over at the Carrot Ranch, Anne Goodwin tweaked my story and told it much more effectively in 99 words. It was very helpful advice and shows me where I could have refined the story to make the message clearer. I don’t think she’ll mind if I share it here with you and I’m sure you’ll agree that it is more effective in getting the message across.
Anne’s version
It was splashed all over the front page. No hiding it. Mum and Dad would be furious. They’d cautioned her to be careful. Time. After. Time. And she was. She thought she could handle it. She didn’t need them watching her every move. She liked being independent. But would they trust her after this?
When they came in, Jess faced them bravely.
They looked from her to the paper and back again. Jess’s lip quivered. “Sorry.”
“Those headlines look juicy,” smirked Dad. “Looks like you need a refill.”
He picked up the jug. Jess passed him her empty glass.
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Oh yes, now it is a complete flash, not a tantalising serial. Sometimes it is helpful to have another person’s eye isn’t it. All part of the improving in our art process 🙂 Thank you for sharing it with me Norah.
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Thank you, Pauline. Yes, I was very grateful to Anne for showing me how it could be improved. 🙂
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P.S. Thank you for your lovely comment and encouragement.
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