The beginning of a new year is often a time of reflection, of looking back on the previous year and of realigning goals for the year ahead. It is fitting then that, for the first prompt of the year, Charli Mills at the Carrot Ranch challenged writers to In 99 words (no more, no less) write a story about a character who looks back. It can be a metaphorical reflection or a glance in the rear-view mirror. Who is looking back, and why? Go where the prompt leads.
Of course, there are many reasons for looking back but, perverse as I am, I’ve chosen to write about someone who wouldn’t look back.
Don’t Look Back
Don’t look back. Don’t look back.
She pulled her coat tight, pressed her bag into her side and leaned into the wind, quickening her pace.
The footsteps pounded behind her, closing in. She knew, even over the wind’s roar, they were coming for her. She breathed in shallow quick gasps.
Don’t look back. Don’t look back. If she couldn’t see them, perhaps they didn’t exist?
Her eyes stung. The wind stole her breath. Her side split.
Lights ahead. Please. Please … almost.
A hand on her shoulder. A deep gravelly unintelligible voice. She twisted. “Noooo!”
“Miss, you forgot your umbrella.”
Thank you for reading. I appreciate your feedback. Please share your thoughts.
Well done, Norah!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you, Jennie. 🙂
LikeLiked by 1 person
You’re welcome, Norah.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Very clever, Norah. I loved your take.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you, Robbie. I’m pleased you enjoyed it.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Now that was pretty awesome. You kept me guessing until the end.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thanks for reading. I’m pleased it kept your guessing.
LikeLiked by 1 person
You made good use of 99 words, Norah, to create suspense. And what is a great tension reliever? Why, laughter of course! Thanks for the chuckle with your surprise ending.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you for your kind words, Molly.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Cleverly written. I jumped at your ending. You know I had the same response when I read the prompt — I would have selected “don’t look back.”
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you, Patricia. It’s interesting that we both thought, ‘don’t look back’. I wonder why. I wonder if it has anything to do with our work with young children; and if so, what?
LikeLike
Good story. It’s so easy to work ourselves up to panic when it’s nothing at all!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Too easy, Jacqui. I tend towards that myself, so I’m pleased it came across in the piece. 🙂
LikeLike
What a wonderful twist to a piece of flash fiction that has you on the edge of your seat. It had such a lot of pace in such a short piece of fiction, Norah.
Happy New Year.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you, Hugh. I appreciate your comment. Happy New Year to you also. I hope you achieve all you aim for and more.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Brilliant! Such a build up of tension until that clever twist.
LikeLike
Oh, Anne. Thank you. I’m so pleased I found your comment in my spam folder. It definitely didn’t fit there surrounded by negativity.
LikeLike
That was extremely tense and like Charli I let out a laugh at the last sentence…. an amazing build up of tension and release. Good writing Norah!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you, Pauline. I’m pleased it gave you a laugh. Tears of laughter are always the best. xx
LikeLiked by 1 person
Norah, you grasp the true spirit of “go where the prompt leads” even if it might be down a dark alley. Great build up of tension. I felt so drawn into what was going to happen next that I laughed at the last line. Time to move forward now with the new year (and umbrella) in hand.
LikeLiked by 2 people
I did too Charli – oh the relief! 🙂
LikeLiked by 2 people
Hehehe. Sometimes life’s like that. We fear the unknown when it’s really nothing to be afraid of at all.
LikeLiked by 2 people
Thank you, Charli. I wasn’t sure if I’d created the suspense I was after. I have to admit that I’m not sure of the difference between showing and telling. Would it be possible to have a ‘lesson’ to demonstrate the difference. I happy for my pieces to be critiqued to find out where they could be improved.
I hope the umbrella won’t be needed too often, unless it’s to prevent being drowned in tears of joy. 🙂
LikeLiked by 1 person
It shows; its very visual. You tell what she did succinctly and to effectively reveal the tension and fear that she feels. Then. Twist!
I think the 99 word limit is conducive to showing vs telling. There’s no room for ‘he did this, she felt that’. This is a great flash!
LikeLiked by 2 people
Thank you, D. That’s very kind of you. I appreciate your taking the time to show me. You do it so well yourself. 🙂
LikeLiked by 1 person
Showing versus telling would be a great lesson. Anne once mentioned how it clicked for her one day. What I like about flash is that it challenges us to show more than we have room to tell so by the nature of the constraint, we are directed to show more. You flash “shows.” Maybe you feel like you are telling us her actions, but that is correct. “Telling” would be if you said, “She was afraid to look back.”
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thanks, Charli. I appreciate your mini-lesson. Lots to learn – always.
LikeLiked by 1 person
ooh nice twist Norah … had the heart pumping 🙂
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thanks, Kate. That’s what I was hoping for but wasn’t sure if I’d pulled it off.
LikeLiked by 1 person
lol if I need to see a cardiac specialist this week you definitely succeeded 🙂
LikeLiked by 1 person
Please don’t. 🙂
LikeLiked by 1 person
it’s ok … seem to have made a complete recovery 🙂
LikeLiked by 1 person
Phew! That’s a relief. 🙂
LikeLiked by 1 person
🙂
LikeLiked by 1 person